The Lemon Company

Eternal peace is one sip away.

Our lemonade is lovingly crafted using only the finest of materials gathered in the beautiful home of Italy, with hours of time put into making sure each cup is balanced perfectly. We want to make sure YOU can have the best spiritual experience when drinking our lemonade, which is why we are proud to announce the five commandments for our lemonade:

  1. All employees may not return to their homes until each cup of lemonade produced has been thoroughly checked by our Lemon Inspector.
  2. To prevent any chance of an employee messing up a pack of lemonade, we have installed a dungeon below our main factory where we will throw anyone who has not yet perfected the lemon formula.
  3. Employees who partake in drinking any other kind of lemonade will be declared traitors and will have a bounty placed on their head.
  4. Each cup of lemonade may not be packaged and shipped until a year after it started production. This is to ensure that each drop is of the highest quality humans can offer.
  5. All of our employees are legally obligated to terminate anyone who is seen drinking lemonade made from powdered mix, if these measures aren't taken, the employee will undergo a series of extreme public humiliation, including but not limited to exposing of any information we deem necessary.

Some of you may know our competitor, the kid across the street, and you may be asking why you should buy lemonade from an emotionless corporation instead of your neighbor. Look, we understand that you want to help the kid earn a few bucks, but what if we told you that this child was actually trying to scam you? Let us explain. Imagine for a second that you're a kid one summer day and you want to find a way to make some money. Obviously there has been a trend of kids making lemonade stands, and they usually get a nice payday by the end of the day. So now you decide to partake in this activity, (Keep in mind that you have no money currently as you can't get a job) and you go to your mother and you say "Can you help me open up a lemonade stand?" She'll hand you a pack of lemonade mix from the grocery store and give you a few of those poorly made plastic cups. Alright, now we want you to imagine something else. Imagine that throughout your entire life you have been miserable with nothing going your way. Don't worry, we've all been there, but you really just need something that can make everything better. Now imagine that one day, you find a group of people who have discovered a secret elixir found inside one of your everyday foods, and they want to help you achieve eternal peace. The drink that they offer you is lemonade, but not just any kind of lemonade... Lemonade that has been perfected year after year, using only the finest of ingredients that were harvested in the most perfect conditions and served to you in a very elegant matter. The best part is that you don't even need to imagine this. What we just described to you is what our company is all about. So please, tell me again, are you going to buy some yellow powder mixed with water from the bratty kid next to your house, or are you going to buy some lemonade, ACTUAL LEMONADE.




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